Cut the celery in large pieces. Mix some flour and water together and make a thick, creamy "kids paste," then water it down a bit. Thaw any size turkey. Wash it down real good in the sink and dont be ashamed of scrubbing her down good. Make the old girl sing like Ethel Merman. My kids lived for this event each year as all my turkeys sang in the shower as if their forthcoming debut was at Town Hall. This bird youre washing is the star of the show and should be treated as such. Youll have more fun watching the turkey bathe if you select a noted singer. Ive cooked several Ethel Merman turkeys and a Kate Smith or two and I remember one Billie Holiday bird. Slightly dry Ethel with paper towels. Grab a handful of margarine and rub it between your hands. Now rub the star as if shes getting her final massage. Make sure you get plenty of margarine rubbed into the bird. Now, with margarine still on your hands, rub a palmful of salt between your hands and apply this to the bird as you did the margarine, making sure plenty of salt gets rubbed in. You need not worry about too much salt or margarine and a couple of handfuls may be required. Lightly pepper the bird, but dont rub this in. Dip your hands in the creamy paste created from the watered down "kids paste" of flour and water. Dab this lightly on the skin all over, careful not to go over areas already covered with paste. This is not a crust, but a more delicious sealer. Place turkey in a large roasting pan. Place quartered onions under wings behind drumsticks, in the cavity, and some on the bottom of the pan to cook in the broth that youll need later on. Now place the celery along- side the onion and leave the celery tops in the bottom of the pan to cook in the broth. Pour two cups of cool water in the bottom of the pan. DO NOT pour over the turkey. Preheat oven to 350 F. and let the bird cook slow. Cover and cook the turkey for at least a couple of hours or until the meat turns brown and falls apart at the limbs. This is a tender turkey and will not hold up to carving at the table. Prepare your turkey platter on the kitchen cabinet as this bird will fall apart if you try and lift it. After the turkey has cooked for at least 1-1/2 hours, baste the turkey every 30 minutes. Drain off broth and reserve to make the stuffing. -- Aunt Pearls Cookbook Joe Sears Submitted By SAM WARING On MON, 20 NOV 1995 145733 GMT